“You have a plan”
they whisper, subconciously, insinuating the predetermined life
school, college, job, marry, kids
with the love of your life on one knee and looking up at you asking for forever
and you knowing that it is right and perfect
but what is perfect?
because perfect to me was breaking the rules, kicking out of the prision of “get a real job” and coming up out of the ashes of an incinerated career and flying like a pheonix into the land of wine, of cobblestones, of amore.
And I found it. I found what they were telling me to find for my entire life and I kissed the right way and laced my fingers into his and danced in the middle of piazzas and among the hilltowns and through vineyards laced with grapes that make the entire world’s faces flush.
But it wasn’t right, apprently. It is the wrong place, wrong time, wrong life to live. Because I didn’t follow the rules.
And now, like criminal, I’m being punished. Because the human being that I love is from another piece of land, because he does not like football, because he wears “gay” scarves and has a “strange last name” and is more intelligent than you because he speaks three or four languages, because you can’t handle other people coming into your country and making it better…you say no.
No I can’t be with him. No I can’t stay with him. No he cannot work. No you cannot lie. No he cannot get papers. You have to pay thousands to get papers, you may not get them. He could be a terrorist. He could be a spy. No.
And now because of my own government being so corrupt and so intolerant and so backwards from what it originally was for, I need to lie.
My marriage is forced. My life is on fast forward. My morals are strained but my heart is happy.
But instead of the fairytale one-knee proposal with a gorgeous ring and visions of lace and satin, beautiful vistas and champagne, my wedding discussions are of us sitting on the couch, his forehead wrinkled in worry, grasping my hands in his and promising me that someway, somehow, we will make this work the right way.
But right now it’s the only way our corrupt governments will allow us to love.